The Loo-Roll Chronicles – a new chapter unrolls

An enterprising sociologist might usefully write a thesis on lavatory paper as a reflection of the way our society has unravelled and unrolled over the past decade.

In the early years of celebrity madness, the new queen of tabloid Britain Jade Goody  announced to a fascinated world that, when she went to the loo, she insisted on using quilted toilet paper.

A couple of years later, when  environmentalism became the issue of the moment, the country singer Sheryl Crow bravely  initiated a lavatorial economy drive. “We can make it work with only one square per restroom,” she urged on her bog-blog.

Now as we plummet towards our pampered doom,  Waitrose is promoting  a new  cashmere-based loo-roll.  It will be “the most luxurious bathroom tissue ever,”  apparently.

Historians of the future may ponder what finally signalled the downfall of our little civilization.

The answer must surely be: when people started wiping their bottoms with cashmere.